It has been a ghastly few years for me financially. Well—emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. It has been a ghastly few years. The circumstances that I have transitioned under have been a blessing in numerous ways (and that matters), but also nightmarish. A real duality of Heaven and Hell. Transitioning has taken its toll on every aspect of my life. Numerous trans folks have similar stories. I am doing everything that I can to finish easily one of the most brutal and difficult years of my life on a positive note.
Emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically, I feel the best that I ever have in my life. I legitimately cannot believe how I feel now when I reflect on how I have felt in the past. Everything is completely different. I am a completely different person. I struggle to find the perfect words to express my gratitude. Every word I can think of falls short. I only pray that every trans person struggling, and so many of us are, can feel how I do now. I pray that they know this feeling because they deserve it as much as I deserve it.
I will be candid. I need money. At least $800 so I can pay bills and continue to remain in my living space. Last week was my first week the Jewish Deli. It is fun, people are chill and I no longer dissociate while using my government name and ‘passing’ as a man. It will allow me to really start putting my life together over the next few weeks as holiday season commences. I also decided to up the ante—I am in the process of searching and applying for entry level corporate jobs. I spent a decade of my life attempting to run from how masculine I am, and now, all I want to do is wear a suit everyday.
Step by step. Brick by brick. I am turning my life around. Shipping and execution ended up costing significantly more than anticipated, so apologies for the delays, but I swear that I will ensure everyone will receive their shit + tokens of gratitude from me. I ask that you consider sharing this post around to many people as people as possible, and please consider giving if you have the means to do so. I am at the Jewish Deli later tonight and much of this week. I am doing everything I can to secure these bags, and get my life on track so that I can give back. I already set the intention that 2019 will be all about giving back.
I love you all.
Countess Fucking Blackwell